Sunday, July 12, 2009

Peeing outside at night.

Let's talk weein' outside for a moment. Just about any fella who grew up in a fairly isolated area has likely developed a profound appreciation for peeing outside at night. Having lived in San Francisco for the past few years, this is a pleasure I seldom get to enjoy.

The other night, while under the spell of some loco herbweed and overwhelmed with the need-2-pee I decided I'd just go out on my fire escape and go weewee into the parking lot below. I will have it known that it was about 2 or 3 in the morning and my fire escape is in a pretty dark and isolated area. And so I climbed out my window and withdrew my Weenis Peebringer. I looked up at the stars and began the ceremony. As soon as the tinkle began I became aware of the massive buildings in the distance. I quickly got nervous and the wee ceased to flow. I stood there scared for a moment and tried to zone out and look at the stars in attempt to continue what I had started. I looked down and saw the city lights reflected in my awkwardly distributed puddles of peeeepeeee. The pattern really spoke volumes about my feelings at the time. I flexed my mind for a moment before realizing the futility of my actions. I sheathed my weemaker and climbed back into my apartment. I took a seat on my couch and stared at the floor, I was both sad and scared. What am I doing here in a city surrounded by towers of people. People who would gladly put a quarter into one of those tourist telescopes so they could watch me pee. I have yet to think of a good answer to that question, and that is why we will likely be moving back to SLO sometime within the next couple of years.

(Alternate Ending: I grabbed my sprayfinger and screamed at it as though it were a microphone. It responded by covering me in its weeblo.)


  1. Oh for heavens sake, If it was 2 or 3 in the morning, then you should have just finished peeing. No one would have cared & peeing outside is FUN. I have peed outside since I was 12 & I live in town and still pee outside every chance that I get.

  2. lolz
    i too hath peed upon many parts of this fair city by the bay. i see it as a public service. like i am cleansing the scum off the streets with my pure bodily fluids. i think i may step it up a notch and start urinating directly upon sleeping crackheads and various other types of disease ridden vagrant wretches...

  3. dude i can't express how awesome it feels to piss outside
    i'll walk past a toilet/opened mouth asian girl to pee outside